3 Things You Need to STOP Doing to Have a Healthy Relationship
I am a firm believer that there are as many ways to live life, as there are people living it. And, whenever you get two people together, whether in romantic or platonic relationship, there are bound to be differences of opinion as to how the relationship should unfold. However, these differences of opinion don’t give either of you the right to berate, criticize, or try to “bully” the other person into agreeing with your perspective, no matter how much you think you’re “right”/- especially if you’re wanting to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.
So, here are 3 things that you need to stop doing in order to maintain a solid relationship.
HOLDING ON TO THE PAST
The thoughts and ideas that we focus on most are what creates our reality. It doesn’t matter if we’re focusing on the past, present, or future; if we’re thinking about something, it’s going to affect our current life experience. And, if you’re constantly replaying past “wrongs” by your partner, it’s going to make it that much harder to love and appreciate them in the present. Additionally, because you’re focusing on how they did-you-wrong, your mind is going to be on the lookout for all the ways they’re not currently living up to your expectations, which can ONLY cause further strain on the relationship.
Secret keeping is one of the most detrimental things I see couples do to their relationship, because the act has a ripple affect that extends far beyond whatever it is you think you’re protecting by keeping the secret. When we keep a secret, it triggers an internal signal that “we’re bad” or are engaging in “bad behavior,” which can negatively affect how we feel about ourselves/- and will inevitably come out in the ways we interact with our partner. For example, if you are hiding how much money your spending or that you’re engaging in a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex, you’re going to be that much more defensive and anxious when dealing with your partner.
These acts may also cause you to make-up stories about your partner’s actions or behavior, creating tension whenever there’s a hiccup in their spending habits or they have to do things like “stay at the office late.” So, do yourself a favor, stop keeping secrets so that you two can maintain a mutual trust in one another, which is key to any healthy relationship.
NOT BEING PRESENT
You may believe that because you’re physically with your partner, that you’re “showing up,” for the relationship. But, just being there isn’t enough, especially when you’re glued to your phone; texting people and catching up on social media, or doing any number of other things that divert your attention from them. If you’re going to spend time with the object of your affection, then you need to be there; mind, body, and spirit.
The reason for this is that when you don’t show up for the time you’ve set aside to nurture the relationship, you’re sending the signal to your partner that you don’t value them, or the relationship enough to focus your time and energy on. And, in many instances, this will trigger them to find someone who better appreciates them.
Lots of love, peace, + happiness!