A New Way to Love Through “Bad Behavior”
When a human being is demonstrating what we call “bad behavior”, our natural instinct is for us to punish them, to reflect our anger, frustration or disappointment in their choice, and usually not through the most gentle and loving means. When we choose to respond with the weight of our anger and disappointment, we are also choosing to exacerbate the situation through the now heightened fear in both parties, causing even more separation between us and the person we’re trying to guide.
Because it is easy for most of us to relate to the bad behavior and ways we deal with it in children, I’m going to use our perspective of the adult to child relationship to further explain.
Assuming that a child knows the protocol in a certain situation, when they choose to act out or behave in ‘unacceptable ways’, they are of course wanting attention but, more specifically, they’re calling out for love. In the moment that they are making a ‘less than’ choice they do not feel whole, happy and complete, and are in fact looking for something outside of themselves to find love and validation. Whether it’s wanting a candy bar at the check out counter, repeatedly interrupting conversations with personal demands or throwing emotional fits when it’s time to leave the amusement park, in each of these moments, the child does not know how to cope with the level of separation or incompleteness they are feeling in their system.
When a child demonstrates this behavior, due much to societal conditioning, our first reaction is to be cross and discipline them for not acting the way we believe they should. This of course reflects back to the child that in their most fragile state of mind, the adult meant to care for and teach them love in this world is now expressing back to them with increased anger and fear, which of course further programs them to respond to themselves, and others, in fear.
None of us, at any age, operates well in life when we do not feel good about ourselves or our world. Therefore, I want to invite you to entertain a new way of experiencing ‘bad behavior’ in another person, so that you can better guide them with love.
When a person is acting out, provided that there’s no immediate danger, try not to be reactive, instead take a moment to ground yourself in love so that you may best understand the other person’s reality. Doing this will allow you to come from a place where you are able to comfort them enough to bring them to a place where you can better communicate. In other words, sooth the child screaming in distress so that you can find a way to help them discover self-coping tools to better navigate on their own. Then, rather than pointing out all the reasons they were wrong in that moment, and listing every previous unacceptable act that the person has ever done to you so they really know how ‘bad’ they were, you do the opposite.
Whether it’s a sassy child, an out-of-touch lover, the ‘crazy’ friend or a judgmental parent, we must reaffirm love always and in as many ways we can. Remind them at their weakest moments of all their creative genius, amazing compassion and joyful expressions. Be as detailed as you can when you tell them about all the ways they’ve touched your heart and why their well-being is so important to you.
By sharing your love with the other individual, you create a stronger connection and allow them to feel the very love and well-being that was missing when they acted out in the first place. It is through their personal experience of this love that their vibrational frequency will be raised so that ‘bad behavior’ is no longer congruent with them in consciousness, and will therefore dissipate back into the nothingness from which it came.
Life Tip to Correct “Bad Behavior” ::
We must reaffirm love always and in all ways, as much as we can… for the more love any of us feels, the higher our consciousness evolves, the more peaceful our actions and the more harmonious and connective our world..