Do You Want to Be Right or Loved
While there are somethings in life that we have collectively agreed upon as correct, things like time, math, gravity, and certain scientific laws, many other areas of our lives are strictly a matter of opinion or belief. For example, you may believe that in order to have a strong family connection, you all need to sit down together at the dinner table at the end of the day to share your stories and experiences, and you might find that your spouse or life partner grew up believing that sitting down together to eat simply wasn’t that important to the continuity of the family.
Now, based on your perspective, you may truly believe that you’re “right” and that your partner is “wrong” about this dinner thing. However, when you take a step back to look at the situation objectively, you can see where neither of you are right, or wrong. You simply have two different opinions on how the situation should unfold, which can be very easy to forget when you’re tired, stressed, and overwhelmed with life. And, which can be the source of too many unnecessary arguments or disagreements, when not dealt with more pro-actively.
You see, there are those times when it may be necessary to be right, over being loved/- times when someone’s health or safety is a factor. However, when it comes to navigating a kind and loving relationship with someone, and I don’t just mean romantic, you don’t always need to be “right,” especially when the price of doing so is pushing away someone that you love and value.
Let me ask you?
Is it worth fighting over furniture, paint colors, or flooring… when the answer to each is simply a preference? Is it worth arguing over where you eat, what activity you participate in, or where you’re going on vacation… as long as you get to be together and enjoying one another’s company?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for being a doormat, people pleaser, or any other reduced version of yourself in order to be loved. What I’m suggesting is that you look at what “right” you’re fighting for, and then taking a moment to ask yourself if being “right” in the situation is worth sacrificing feeling “loved” by the other person.
Did you know that, more often than not, wanting to be “right” has more to do with feeling inadequate inside, and needing the other person to agree with you, in order for you to feel loved and validated in the relationship?
The interesting thing about needing to be right is that, more often than not, is that you’re using it as a means or way of asking for the love, respect, and validation you crave through force from the other person. You’re also basing your ability to feel good about yourself in the moment, upon your ability to get someone else to yield to your idea, belief, or opinion. Which is another form of giving your power away.
Do You Want to be Right or Loved?
In order to learn how to better get what you want, in a loving and empowered way, from someone you’re in relationship with, try the following ::
Before engaging the other person, think about the thing you want or the thing you want to be “right” about. Ask yourself if being right in this situation is just an opinion, if it’s a health or safety issue, or a cold hard fact, that you have evidence to support.
IF IT’S A FACT ::
If it’s a fact, find a compassionate and loving way to communicate the information by stating something like, “The reason I feel so strongly about wanting this outcome is for these reasons…” And then for peace, end your presentation with, “If you have another way to create this kind of outcome, I’m open to hearing it.” And then do your best to truly be open to hearing it.
IF IT’S A DESIRE OR OPINION ::
If it’s a desire or opinion, you need to find out why you have it/- and then be able to effectively and compassionately communicate your reasons. This would be similar to preparing to present the facts, only the facts are your desires and opinions. You may say something like, “The reason I want this outcome is because it makes me feel…” And, once you’ve calmly and respectfully shared your ideas/- you still want to follow up with something like, “If you have another way to help me get this type of experience, I’m open to exploring the possibilities.” And then do your best to be open.
No matter what, you can choose in any moment, whether it’s more important to be “right” or to be “loved.”
Lots of love, peace, + happiness!