Why We Love People Who Treat Us Badly
“He said we were going out tonight…” you think to yourself, as you look at your watch for the tenth time, only to see that “Yes, it really is 9:30pm.” and no, you haven’t heard a word from him all day.
Sound familiar? Or maybe this better matches your experience…
I know she’s controlling. I know she’s opinionated. But, she’s my wife. She’s the mother of my children, and either I let her treat me this way, or she yells. Or worse, gives me the silent treatment for weeks, and withholds sex from me.
So when people treat us like this, consistently, why do we love them?
Well, the most obvious answer is low self-esteem. But, you’d be surprised by how many people I know and work with who have decent self-esteem, albeit not super healthy or ideal, but not necessarily warranting this kind of treatment, who find themselves in this kind of relationship.
So if these people have decent self-esteem, what then could be the reason that they would allow themselves to be treated this way?
While we can develop a healthy self-esteem by learning self-love, compassion, and through the personal achievement of goals and dreams, if one or more of our primary caregivers taught us that we were unlovable, we will duplicate those feelings until we wake up to the pattern, and begin to heal it.
Now, before you get angry with either of your parents for how they treated you, understand that hurt people, hurt people. And the way they treated you had more to do with how they felt about themselves as people, then how they felt about you.
Unfortunately, most children, especially sensitive ones, will take this treatment personally, and then will seek out relationships, or be attracted to people, who help them to duplicate the unworthy feelings they had about themselves as children.
Perception is REALITY.
The fact is, regardless of the reason you didn’t get the attention you personally needed to build a healthy self-esteem, and for everyone that amount is different, if you didn’t feel loved as a child, you will seek out relationships that make you “feel bad” – because that’s what love feels like to you.
So in this episode of #AskMysMorgan, I share key insights about why we love people who treat us badly, including details about our childhood programming. Along with powerful techniques to begin the healing process.
Now I’d love to hear from you…
Do you love someone who treats you badly? Are you guilty of staying with someone you know should treat you better? If you are now, or have been and have gained wisdom from the experience, please share your comments and questions below.
Who knows, you may share the very question or insight someone else needs to realize their dreams.
To your spirit + SUCCESS! ~ ❤ M