Tired of Being Mistreated? Try this Shift in Your Behavior
Remember when you met that fabulous new friend? The one that was so full of energy and excitement, who could always be counted on to liven up the party. You guys would get together over drinks or coffee, just to laugh it up – sharing your stories and dilemmas. And though you really enjoyed their company, after awhile they began showing up to your adventures late, making promises they didn’t keep, and – if you’re honest, started acting like an all around flake?
You were probably left wondering, “What the heck happened? Did I do something wrong? How did I go from being a priority, to the last option in their rolodex?” And rightly so, as this isn’t an enjoyable position for any of us to be in.
Although I hate to say it, especially if you’re in pain, the fact is that you did do something in this situation to be getting treated this way – though not to the other person, but to yourself.
Each time you accepted a behavior that made you uncomfortable, or you didn’t feel was appropriate, you did two very damaging things to yourself ::
* You lowered your self-worth or self-value. When you made the other person’s opinions or ideas for how the activity or relationship was going to go – especially when that option made you uncomfortable on a noticeable level, you made their ideas for living “better” or more valuable than yours – just for the sake of receiving their time and company.
* You also directly taught them that it is okay to mistreat you. Each time you accepted their negative words or less-than-behaviors, not even mentioning that it bothered you or initiating any kind of communication to improve it , you taught them that you’re not valuable enough to have respect and consideration for. And that they don’t need to try any harder to please you in order to be with you.
Never take what anyone does or says personally, as you are only FEELING your own THINKING. ~ ♥ M
Now before you start believing that this gives you justification for nit-picking at every little thing, let me further explain, as I’m not advising you to start act like an egomaniac or diva either.
If you haven’t already vanished this person from your life, or if and when you encounter someone new who tries this less-than behavior with you, try the following in order to set the kind of parameters that will help you receive the attention and validation you really crave.
* Before you become emotionally attached to this person, make a list of your standards and boundaries, so that when they’re not met, it’s easier for you to identify it. Use those instances where you haven’t been treated according to your wishes as exercises for graciously requesting your desires, while enforcing your parameters.
* Rather than always making yourself available when ever they reach out, pay more attention to what’s going on in your world, and ONLY IF you’re actually available, and are somewhat interested in the experience, do you allow yourself to make plans. Otherwise, keep your calendar booked until they prove that they are worthy of you making space for them on it.
Remember, you are constantly teaching people how to treat you.
Lots of love, peace, and happiness!